Christian Momma

After Kevin and I got married, we discussed children.  With knowing that I may never be able to have children due to an accident I had when I was 16, but we knew we would have at least 1 child, even if it was through adoption.  Before I got pregnant with Michael, we talked about how we would want me to stay at home and raise our children.  That didn’t happen right away.  After Michael was born, I went back to work and worked until we moved out of state (Michael was 14 months when we moved).

When my children were a bit younger than what they are now, I struggled with what my calling was.  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?

After some thinking and talking over with a few friends of mine, I have come to the conclusion…my purpose is to be a Stay at home mom.  That’s what God has called me to do for a season (yes, that season is quickly coming to an end since my youngest ones are now 5).

Over the past few months, I have realized how involved in my children’s lives and education that I have become.  I have also realized that I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I have done with my boys if I were a working mom.

Please Note… Not everyone has the same calling.

When Michael forgets something at home, he has the opportunity to call me as soon as he gets to school and ask me to bring it to him.  That’s something that may annoy me at first, but then I realize, not everyone is able to do that.  When Noah has a party at school, I’m able to go and help out (and thankfully, his teacher has allowed me to bring Daniel and Andrew with me as well).

Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I think life would be so much easier if I worked outside the home, but that’s not what God has called me to.

A few months back I had briefly mentioned another ministry that God has been laying before me.  I had no idea then exactly where things were leading, but I’m starting to get a fuller direction as to what that may be.  I’m not quite ready to fill you all in yet, but in time, I will.

Just know that I have been searching more now to find that purpose, that destiny that God has in store for me.  I’m striving to find out exactly what it is and then strive forward in that ministry.

There are things that have sort of “fallen” into my lap (so to speak) that seem to be leading in the same direction as what God is calling me to do.  It’s exciting!  I haven’t been more egar to get involved than I am right now.  It’s scary to me to not know exactly what it is, but I know that God will take care of that, in time.

I know there isn’t much information here to go on and it’s like telling you “I’ve got a secret, but I can’t tell you”…it’s frustrating…but hang in there.  I will share it with you, once I am fully aware of what all is involved!

Prayers are always appreciated!!

2008 has come and gone already.  It sure seemed to go by quickly…sometimes a little too quickly!

January

The year started out with me beginning to work on Power Lab VBS (Ah Ha!).  I was also homeschooling Michael.  We were pretty on top of our schooling and things were going pretty smoothly at the time.  I was also beginning to work in the K-1 Sunday School class room at church.  That, wasn’t going as smoothly as I had wished.

February

VBS started to consume my thoughts.  I was having dreams about not being ready, and just an overwhelming sense that I’ve bitten off more than I could chew.  AKA…I wasn’t relying on God to help me, I was relying on my own strength to do it.

February also brought about Daniel & Andrew’s 3rd birthday as well as my 34th birthday.

Michael entered his first Science Fair and ended up with a Superior rating!  I was proud, but knew full well that if he had applied himself earlier in the month, but he decided to wait until the last minute to do it.  Then we hit a rough patch in our homeschooling…a bad one.  Causing me to question my ability to teach him not to mention my basic parenting skills.  But, through the Grace of God we got through it with help from some friends in our church.

March

March brought in a lot of saddness.  My grandmother’s health begain to fail drastically.  And a friend of mine lost her child in a horrible accident. My heart ached in ways I never knew it would.  Things in me shined trhough as well.  I didn’t realize how “in tune” I was to other’s saddness.  Michael had a meeting with the staff from his online school and things turned out so much better than I had originally anticipated.

April

In April, I took a blogging break…school slipped behind and I had to push Michael to get as much done as possible a day!  Spring seemed to bring out the worst in his schooling abilities and slowly we fell behind.

May

I won this Word Press blog…I’m ever so greatful to Lisa for hosting the giveaway that allowed me to win! The final push to get VBS was upon us.  VBS was scheduled for the 2nd week of June.  My grandmother passed away that month as well.

June

VBS week came and went without too much problems.  Yes, there were a few bumps in the road, but overall things turned out GREAT!  I was elated that things went as well as they did and relieved that it was all over with as well.

July

We celebrated Michael’s 11th birthday in July along with Kevin and I’s 14th wedding anniversary.  In between those 2 events, we threw my mom and dad a 60th Birthday/40th Wedding Anniversary party.  We were very impressed that we were able to pull it off!  Mom and dad had only suspected that we were planning on all going out to eat together, not that we would have all of their friends and family at a hall waiting for their arrival!  We even got one of their friends from High School to travel from Chicago to Ohio to celebrate with them as well!

We also got to see Extreme Makeover Home Edition in our town.  My mother drove down the night before to stay overnight and we headed out to the new house to watch the bus move.  That is a day that was HOT, but I wouldn’t have missed for the world.  To see something like that is a once in a lifetime thing.  Michael still claims to have High-Fived Ty!

August

We went for our 1 and only camping trip of the year.  We had so much fun, and would love to go back to the Michigan Dunes again.  Our church also had a Worship Night.  Something changed in me that night and I have been forever changed!

September

School started right after Labor Day!  We decided to send Michael back to public school since things weren’t working out the best for us at home.  We are happy to report that he is doing wonderful in the public school!

We celebrated Noah’s 8th birthday in September.  We also found out that an eight year old child, when given $20 in cash and not watched very closely at the grocery store (because mom and dad were busy ringing/bagging groceries), will spend the whole $20 on lottery tickets!  And before you ask…YES it’s illegal for him to purchase them, but when they have a “vending machine” of lottery tickets just sitting over by the bubble gum machines, it’s just calling for a child to play with it!  And he only wond $2!

October

In October, Kevin and I started going to a new Bible Study.  I was elated that Kevin wanted to go to one since he has never really showed any interest in going before.

We also walked, for the first time, in the JDRF Walk for a Cure for my Niece.  We were so proud of her, she ended up getting 2 awards…one for the amount of money raised and the other for the T-Shirt design!

November

We celebrated Kevin’s 38th birthday.  How?  Well, I went to a Arbone party and he watched football…now that’s love!

We had our traditional weekend after Thanksgiving shopping adventure.  My parents’ took Michael, Noah, Daniel, & Andrew for the weekend (it ended up my parents had Daniel & Andrew and my sister had Michael & Noah).  We always enjoy that weekend away from the boys.  It’s nice to pretend we are childless…even if it’s just for the weekend!  But we are always so excited when they return.

December

We spent most of the month either running from Christmas Program to Christmas Program or from Christmas to Christmas.  However this year it seemed to be a little less travel than usual.  We only spent 1 night up at my parent’s house and we actually had Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home for the first time in a long time!

For 2009, I’m sure there will be new things that God shows us along the way, new challenges to overcome and new friends to meet, but I trust that God will be joining us along this journey and we will rest in the knowledge of Him.

This past weekend, I found a journal of mine that had 12 entries in it.  The pages were all messed up and I decided since I had this really cute journal sitting around the house collecting dust, I would transfer all that information into my new one.  (I have a ton of cute journals laying around…I have this thing with buying journals, pens, any office thing really…I just can’t help myself!)

Anyway, this journal has visions and dreams that I’ve seen along with their meanings that (well some still don’t have a meaning with them), prophecies that were spoken over me, and words given to me by the Lord.  Just those types of things, recorded all in one place (with dates) so I can go back and reread them.

As I was writing, I was amazed.  The first post was recorded in 1999 and the last in 2000, so it’s been “missing” for a few years.  So many things in the prophecy have already come to pass.  It talked about being lead through the shadow of death holding onto the Lord’s hand and me not fearing.  As I read that, I see how that has come to pass…I was close to death when I was having my twins (had HELLP Syndrome…a type of pre-eclampsia and my organs were shutting down).  It also talked about my calling and me working with children…not toddlers, but children.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I worked with our church’s VBS and have been working in the Children’s Ministry at our church.  I felt like I was called there and this confirms it!

So what is something that has happened to you that confirms what God has been showing you?

Have you ever had this dream…you know it’s there, but the picture isn’t quite clear?  You know there’s something special there, but you just can’t quite remember all the details?  You can still feel those “feelings” you had when you first had the dream, but now you can’t quite remember how that dream went?

How do you get that dream back?  Do you try and recreate the same atmosphere you had when you first had the dream?  Do you try and think on something little that you remember in hopes that it will trigger the whole dream again?

What if you can’t get that dream back?  Then what?  Do you just move on and forget about it?  Or do you try and figure it out?

Here I sit, with those thoughts.  I can’t quite figure out what exactly it was about anymore, but the feelings are still there.

What am I talking about?  What God has called me to do.  I know he told me once…I know the general idea of what it is, but here I am waiting on those details.  Did he tell me those and I forgot?  Or has He not yet revealed them to me?

My vision is clouded with all the “stuff” that is around me on a daily basis.  My quiet time hasn’t been what is should be.  I know that to grow in faith, I need to dive into the word and spend time with Him…so why is it that my quiet time has been the hardest time to come by?  I feel as though I rush through just so I can mark that off he “to do” list.  I know it’s not right, but that’s what is happening.  And now, I have more questions about what I’m supposed to be doing instead of answers.

I need someone to cheer me on…someone to hold me accountable…someone I’m comfortable enough to share everything with…a mentor!  Someone besides my husband (although, he would probably work, I think I need a “girlfriend”).

Where does one begin to find a mentor, or an accountability partner?

I’m of the timid type and have never really had a friend (besides my husband) that I’ve shared EVERYTHING with…this is difficult for me, and I’m not sure why that is.  It’s not like I don’t like talking…quite the contrary!  But to be so open to someone, what if I get hurt?  Please pray for me!

Do you have an accountibility partner?  What about a Mentor?  Both?  How did you come to have your accountability partner/mentor?

Ok, I need to appologize, I started this post out in one direction and it ended up in a total different one…sorry about that.  I don’t want to edit it because 1…it’s too late for me to do that, and 2…this is something I needed to get out…all of it!

As you may (or may not) know, I sing on our church’s Praise and Worship team once or twice a month, depending on the schedule.

Today I was on the schedule, which means a practice on Saturday morning for Sunday services.  Saturday morning was met with me bringing all 4 boys to practice (something I don’t like doing because it’s hard to sing and yell at the boys for doing something they shouldn’t be doing!

Anyway, in one of the songs, I sang a “round” by myself…I was nervous yesterday singing it…you could hear my voice shaking!  So, last night I spent some time praying, asking God to cleanse me so that I can go into worship on Sunday with a pure heart.

Today, I worshiped the Lord…didn’t care if I messed up or not, it’s not about how I sounded…it’s all about how my heart was.  Today, my heart was worshiping God.

What is worship to you?  Is it the music you sing to God?  I’d like to know!

I heard a pastor say…

“If you want to find your calling, start by looking at what you hate…”  He was speaking of how those little things that bug you are thigs you are called to change.  For example, if you are at church and feel the music is off, you are probably called to serve in the music area of your church, likewise, if you are irritated that things don’t start on time or you are late for something, you’re probably called into some sort of administration.

I’ve seen this…during the praise and worship, my husband would hear little things in the sound that needed to be changed.  Not everyone else would recognize these things.  He also could tell me exactly what the problem was and how to fix it.  Let me tell you what he does at church now…he is on the Sound Team.

If you are looking for your purpose, your calling, look to the things that seem to irritate you the most, see if that is where God is calling you to be!

The last few days I have been feeling like God is moving in my life, calling me to something more, freeing me up from something that has been holding me back from the fullness of God.

Last night as I was preparing for Bible Study (we are reading Beth Moore‘s book, Get Out Of That Pit together…which, by the way, is a great book!), I felt the Lord tugging on my heart.  I knew that I was on the brink of some sort of breakthrough.  I instantly emailed my worship leader mentor friend, and told her what I was feeling, she lead me to this scripture…

1 Samuel 3:9-11 (New International Version)

9 So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

11 And the LORD said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle.

For so long I have felt like I have ADD and only when it comes to sitting down to spend quiet time with the Lord.  I just can’t quiet myself down to stop and listen to what God has to say for me.  I have been really struggling with finding my quiet time.

The feeling that the “flood gates of Heaven” will open if I just surrender and spend some quality time with God.  How do you do that with a house full of boys and a dog that likes to bark at the cat?  There are so many distractions in my house!

This morning sealed it when I came across a post from Pete (the Pastor of Cross Point Church in Nashville) on Without Wax.  Yep, that confirmed what I have known…I have a self problem, I need to stop focusing on myself and start focusing on God!  Thanks Pete for the confirmation this morning.

Yesterday as I was getting ready for church, my phone rings.  It was one of the Sunday School teachers calling to let me know that her son was sick and she wasn’t going to be able to make it into class.  She wasn’t sure if she should call me (since I have been covering for the Children’s Ministry Director while she’s  out on “Maternity Leave”) or Kate (Children’s Ministry Director).

Since the children she was teaching was half of my class (they closed my class room for the summer and shuffled the children around a bit…freeing me up to help Kate) and the other half of the class was children that had moved out of my class not too long ago, I would just go ahead and teach the class.  Most of the children knew me anyway.

So, I go into the class, look around the desk for some sort of curriculum…I couldn’t find anything.  Then I remembered that Darlene (the teacher) had been teaching the children something different.  I search for a note (I know she sent them home with the children when she started in that class).  When I found it, it had the things they will be learning on it:

Books of the Bible, Fruit of the Spirit, 10 Commandments, Armor of God, Creation, and Alphabet Bible Memorization.

I had no clue where she was or what was/wasn’t taught.  So what was I going to do??  These children ranged in age from Kindergarten (they would be going into the 1st grade in the fall) to 3rd grade (those going into the 3rd grade in the fall…4th graders moved up a class).

Once all the children came in and were seated, I looked at them and told them that I had no idea what Mrs. Darlene had taught on or how she ran her class…so, they were going to teach me!

First thing I was told I had to do was put all the books of the Old Testament on the board…I’m still not quite sure why I had to put them up there, but they told me I had to, so being the good student, I did what I was told.  I got my Bible out and Eric said, “Don’t you know that already?”  I can honestly say, NO, I don’t know the books of the Bible…I used to years ago know what order they were in, now I just sort of guess!

Next thing I had to do was turn on the music…we got to listen to a song!  It was the books of the bible.  Ok, I can see where this is going, we are learning the Books of the Old Testament.

Alec told me that it was now time for each child to recite the books of the OT and get their butterfly moved to where they stop at on this tree.

Did I mention that Darlene is very creative?  She made these 2 trees out of paper, a scene really where all the leaves on the one tree are the OT books and the leave on the other tree are the NT books!  Each child had a butterfly with their name on it attached to a paperclip that would get moved across the tree.

I just have to say that I was more than impressed at how well each child did!  I got to move almost every child’s butterfly to a new position and 1 child finished all the books in the OT and NT!  Did I mention the ages of these children?  They are learning!!

After getting through that, I started looking around the room and asked what they learned last week.  Most of the children weren’t there last week, but 1 child told me the Armor of God.  So over to the poster I went and I started asking question on what each part of the Armor of God was and what it stood for!  These children are S-M-A-R-T!!

After that, we moved onto the Fruit of the Spirit.  They explained to me what each of the 9 Fruits of the Spirit were/meant.  I began on the 10 Commandments…which 1 child informed me that they didn’t do that yet, but I know from my previous ’bouts of teaching that they should have heard this before, so I continued.  We got through most of them, then the parent’s started arriving to pick up their children!

I have never been so impressed by a group of children as I was Sunday with this class.  I wrote a note to Mrs. Darlene so that she knew what we did.

After shuffling the children around to 2nd service class and off with their parents, I talked a bit to Kate.  She had asked me to pray about what God really wants me doing in Children’s Ministry.  I flat out told her that I know my gifting is not in teaching, but I will teach if that’s where I’m needed there.  She said she sees me more in an administrative position instead of teaching, but in moving me, that would require more teachers.

So, now I need to focus and lay it all out at God’s feet.  Find out what it is that I am supposed to be doing.  I know He will show me the way and it will all work out the way it was intended…I just need to listen!

I have never been hit so hard by Satan’s attempts to drag me down as I have these past couple of days! I know it has to do with my involvement in what God wants me to do…Praise & Worship, Teaching Sunday School, & VBS…and with Kevin getting involved…Sound team.

Michael is showing signs of rebellion and it came to a head today. I don’t want to go into it right now, I just am asking for prayer.

5 of the 6 of us are sick! And get this…I was supposed to sing this weekend and Kevin was supposed to run sound. Not to mention that Saturday is Daniel & Andrew’s birthday. Do you see how Satan is trying to drag us down! Please pray for us. I need a Spiritual covering and am in dire need of getting immersed in His word!

Thanks!