Christian Momma

The alarm never sounded. It was just a watch, but I couldn’t get past the fear! I tried to sleep but was awakened numerous times with an overwhelming sence of fear. The same fear I once had…one that I had thought I had overcome. Apparently that fear still lingers.

It’s an irrational fear…my palms get sweaty…my stomach churns…my heart races…I’m awakened from a deep sleep.

It all started with the News breaking in. Thunderstorm warnings popping up in the next state over. I watched intently as they showed the big green blob with yellows and reds moving across the states. I went back to doing my business as normal.

A few minutes later, they break in again with Tornado warnings…my heart races a little with the news. They are still a state away, so I go about my business…keeping an eye on the news.

The news was on right before I went to bed. They were talking about those severe thunderstorms that had the capabilities of producing tornado’s. I felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. I wake my husband up to tell him I’m going to bed.

We head upstairs and I can feel that fear welling up deep down inside. I couldn’t shake it. I turned the tv on and laid down for the night. They were back to regular programming, but I couldn’t sleep. I was exhausted, but the fear kept me awake.

I would doze, then be jolted out of my sleep…only to see the regular programming running on the tv. I decided to turn off the tv and try to sleep without it on. That didn’t work…I tossed and turned. Then came the loud BOOM of the thunder. I knew the storm had made it to our town. I flipped on the radio. I was sick to my stomach, scared out of my wits, praying my family would be safe.

Since I’ve been through this so many times when we lived in MN. (You see, my fear of tornado’s started when we lived in Minnesota. It could be because they sounded those blasted tornado alarms for a simple thunderstorm, so you never knew if it was just a thunderstorm or if it had the capabilities of producing a tornado.) I began repeating my verse that always seems to get me out of this fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

And as usual, my fears started to calm down and I was able to rest.

So today, all I wanted to do was sleep, but there was so many things planned today, I haven’t had the time. And now if I were to lay down (fully knowing I would fall asleep), I would be wide awake come bedtime.

Unfortunately, most people would like to just get through the grief as quickly as possible. Grief is a process…one that takes time. How much? Well, that depends on the person going through the grief. Some people process it quicker than others. Some get stuck on one step of the grief process.

What is grief? Wikipedia defines it as:

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, whether it be a friend, family, or other close companion. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss.

How does one process grief? Commonly there are 5 stages of grief.

Denial - “this can’t be happening to me”…Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

Anger - “why me?”…Anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

Bargaining – Attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

Depression – Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.

Acceptance – there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that the person is gone that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. Stay with fond memories of person.

I’m seeing this happen in our church from the loss of a young child, to the loss of close family members. I’m also seeing these steps processed in our family. My dad internalizes his emotions and we are seeing that through the numbers when he checks his blood (he has diabetes).

Where am I? Well, I think I’m on the acceptance phase.

My grandmother went home to be with the Lord on Thursday evening at 10:15 (May 15, 2008).

She had been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 years.

About a month ago, she started taking a turn for the worst. They called in hospice to care for her in her home and keep her comfortable.

She has 1 Daughter, 3 Sons, 1 Step Daughter, and 1 Step Son. She has 4 Granddaughters, 4 Grandsons, 4 Step Grandsons, and 3 Step Granddaughters. She has 12 Great Grandsons, 7 Great Granddaughters, and many step Grandsons/daughters (I’m unclear of the number and some of those have had children of their own as well).

She lived a few blocks from my parent’s house and we visited with her often when I was younger. As I got older, I seen her frequently until I got married and moved away. Then I would only see her a couple times a year.

When we lived in Colorado, we had the wonderful privilege of her coming out for a visit. She came with my mom and dad for a week! What a great time! Although she was on oxygen, we were still able to make a trip up into the mountains, and to the Butterfly Pavilion. She talked about that for years. When she was there, we only had Michael. He sat and played Dominoes with her for hours! He loved it (although he probably doesn’t remember it since he was only 2).

(Grandma & Daniel)

Every year we had a few reunions for that side of the family. We always had fun. 2 years ago, Michael sat and played a marble game that every Grandchild played with her.

Michael still talks about that to this day.

My Grandmother did taxes for a living, so many people in this small community knew who she was. She will definitely be missed.

I have been tagged by Lanxi who was tagged by Soliloquy for her version of MommyFest.
So you all get to know a little more about me…whether you want to or not!

Favorite person (outside family)? Kim, she is a great friend I made at church. We have a lot in common!

Favorite food? Chinese or Mexican

Quirks about you? I twirl my hair when I’m thinking. I interrupt talk to people while they are on the phone as if the caller on the other end asked me the question.

How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? (Ask them) A very loving and caring wife and mother

Any regrets in life? Hanging out with the bad crowd in HS

Favorite Charity/ Cause? Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation

Favorite Blog recently? Attack f the Redneck Mommy She cracks me up!

Something you can’t get enough of? Hugs and kisses from my husband and my boys

Worst job you’ve ever had? Pizza Delivery Girl!

What job would you pay NOT to have? Cleaning my house…but then I’d be worried about how bad my house looked for the person who came in to clean, so I’d have to clean before they came to clean..

If you could be a fly on the wall, where? Right now at my grandma’s house…I just found out she passed away. We live 1 1/2 hours away and I have 4 boys in bed, so I can’t just take off.

Favorite Bible verse right now? 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

• 9. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

• 10. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Guilty Pleasure? Computer time

Got any confessions? I could do more around the house during the day, but I would prefer to sit and play around on my computer!

If you HAD to spend $1,000 on YOURSELF, how would you spend it? I would hire a personal trainer so I would actually work my butt off to get rid of my weight!

Favorite thing about your house? It’s in Ohio

Least favorite thing about your house? It’s a rental

One thing you are bad at? Keeping my house clean like it should be

One thing you’re good at? Working under pressure…although I hate it, but I do get things done more efficiently!

If you could change something about your circumstances, what? Living in a house instead of renting and out of debt!

Who would you like to meet someday? A smaller version of myself would be nice.

What makes you feel sexy? When my husband comes up behind me, hugs me and says I smell good!

Who is your real life hero? My husband.

What is the hardest part of your job? Potty training my twins while trying to homeschool my oldest and keep a puppy from peeing/pooping on the floor!

When are you most relaxed? When Kevin is home with me

What stresses you out? When I can’t get Michael to do his work

What can you not live without? My cell phone and/or computer

Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? I didn’t read the article, so I have no clue. I’m also not positive what that means either.

Why do you blog? I started out blogging to keep in contact with friends from other states. Here recently I have been thinking about that, wondering if that’s why I’m still blogging, or if it’s to meet new friends, or support/find support from others, or if there’s another purpose for my blog.

Okay – rules:

1. Answer the questions
2. Link back to whoever tagged you
3. Tag eight bloggers to do the same, 2 from each category.

• New/ newer bloggers (since we want to share the love and send them traffic)
• Bloggy friends
• Bloggers you’d like to get to know better
• Bloggers you don’t think will answer

OR just do what I did and fill out however many you want from whatever category. It’s my blog after all, I can make up the rules too!

I am tagging:

You Never Let Go, Shortybears Place, Life As We Know It,

I sit here daily and stare at the screen wondering what I want to blog about. I have so many thoughts in my head, I just don’t know where to start. I need organization of thoughts!

Maybe it’s just I’m so exhausted today…I don’t know. I’m running on 5 hours of sleep and it’s catching up with me!! I know Lisa from Simply His blogged today Organization and Blogging…maybe I should head over there and read!

Mother’s day is tomorrow. I pray that each of you mother’s out there have a wonderful day with your families.

Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her Proverbs 31:28 NKJ

Kevin loves likes Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. The last time it was on, I saw an advertisement for a Deadliest Catch Mother’s Day Marathon. So, do Mother’s like the Deadliest Catch or do they watch it because their husband’s watch it?

For me, I watch it only because that’s what Kevin is watching…it’s not something I would choose if I had control of the remote. It just struck me as odd that they would hold a marathon of something that seems (to me) to be for men on Mother’s day.

I wanted to thank everyone for the support. I had a bad day yesterday…I’m feeling a bit under the weather, which I’m sure doesn’t have anything to do with it right?

Do you remember this post where I talked about what I won during the bloggy giveaway? Or this post asking about different blogs?

I won a WordPress Blog!! Thanks so much to Lisa from Simply His Blog for picking me to win!! I’m so excited!!

So, stay tuned…there will be changes around here!!!

We are never going to finish school! Not at the rate my son has decided to work! How can I motivate a child to work when he ignores EVERYTHING that comes out of my mouth? I lose my temper, but that doesn’t work…I ask nicely, but then he takes that as his ticket to get away with not doing work!

I could just cry…he has to be finished by June 12th…he’s got a little over 1 month to complete 3-4 months worth of work!!

I am NOT cut out for homeschooling!! And that alone breaks my heart!